Your inability to say no is most likely one of the leading reasons why you feel taken advantage of, over-exerted, and simply stressed out. Somewhere along the lines you may have settled with the people-pleasing mentality, which has done nothing more than left you overwhelmed. Does this resonate with you? If so, keep reading to learn practical tips for saying no and the confidence to not feel bad about it.
5 Tips for Saying No Effectively
Before getting into the tips, we must first have the conversation around why it’s hard for you to say no in the first place. Also attached to that is understanding why the feelings of guilt come along with it. Do you have a negative connotation attached to the word no? Is it connected with some form of rejection? Or, do you feel like it’s attached to some form of aggression? These are questions to ask yourself so you can clear the mental clutter and begin to see this word in a healthy manner. With that in mind, let’s look at ways to view no and how it will help you use the word effectively.
Tip #1: Unattach the other person’s power to you saying no.
In other words, saying no should have more to do with you versus the other person. If you don’t have the time, bandwidth, or capability to do something then that’s just it. The moment you start to rationalize from the other person’s perspective is the moment you are giving them more power than what’s needed.
Tip #2: Say without giving an excuse.
It’s okay to say no and not give an excuse or reason. In some instances you may want to provide a small reason but it shouldn’t be mandatory. For example, if someone asked you to do something and you can’t because it will cut into something else you’re doing… you can say something like, “No. I’m not available at that time.” That’s it. No guilt attached or long drawn out answer needed.
Tip #3: Set boundaries.
Setting healthy boundaries involves knowing your limits and not going beyond them. The more you allow your boundaries to be pushed the thinner you’ll stretch yourself. Boundaries are more for your sanity, growth, and health than for the other person. Nevertheless, it’s your life you have to live. No one else can live it for you.
Tip #4: Offer a solution when necessary.
There may be times when you may need to say no but can offer a solution. For example, if you have been asked to do something on a day you’re not available but you’d still be open to helping, you can mention, “I’m not available that day, but would be available to assist on _________. Will that work?” The only thing with this tip is to not let others take advantage of you and have the discipline to stay within your boundaries.
Tip #5: It’s okay to be selfish.
Warren Buffett said, “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything." This is basically a lesson in valuing your needs and time above all else. Once you begin to see how valuable you are, you’ll see all you do from that perspective as well.
Final Thoughts
People-pleasing isn’t a mindset that happens over night. This is typically a lifestyle that has come from years of learned behavior, traumas, and the inability to correctly identify the source. While these tips will certainly help you learn to understand the power of no and give you starting blocks to confidently saying it, some people find that they need a much deeper healing.
I offer an inner healing service called SLAM - a Self-Love and Abundance Method. I help you flush out certain blockages, avoid any more pitfalls, and shift past limiting beliefs so you can experience a newly found sense of freedom. Click here to learn more and secure your safe space with me today.