The 80/20 rule is a theory that states only 80% of your needs will be met by your relationship(s), while the other 20% will need to be provided by you to meet your personal needs. This may seem contradictory when thinking of relationships being a 50-50 or even a 100-100, but the reality is that it lines up with how couples truly feel.

What does the 80/20 mean for relationships?

Filtering this theory through a relationship, it basically says that you should devote 80% of your energy into your significant other and making sure their needs are met to the best of your ability. It also says the remaining 20% should be energy that you pour into yourself. These principles can then be put in ways to help foster healthy relationships. Here’s how.

How to Strengthen a Relationship Using the 80/20 Rule

The 80/20 rule can spark good conversations.

Since the mental image is that you'll only get 80% of your needs met, this can lead to having healthy conversations about what your needs are to begin with. Studies show that couples typically have no idea what their partner truly needs, so they spend endless time trying to meet someone they envision. Instead of continuing with the assumption game, make every effort to understand what each other’s needs are. Then, even with the 80% on the table, you’ll know without a doubt that you’re meeting them.

The 80/20 rule helps you see what’s truly important.

Part of being in a relationship is give and take. It’s also about patience and forgiveness. Part of what the 80/20 rule can do for relationships is help you to see what is really important in life. Which is more important… that he left the toilet seat up or that you haven’t had a date in months? Could date-less days be the reason why intimacy has dropped? Or would you actually contribute that to the toilet seat being left up? Truth is, it’s most likely the dateless days. So now you can do the next tip…

The 80/20 rule can help with goal setting.

Once you’ve determined what each other’s needs are, in addition to what’s most important, you can now begin to set goals as a couple. If having a date once a week is important to you, plan for it. If figuring out a way to accommodate each other’s cleaning habits is important, set a goal for it. Overall, the main goal is to grow closer together instead of further apart. Seeing the 80/20 rule through a positive perspective can help you do just that.

We didn’t spend much time talking about that 20%, but here’s the thing. Self-care should definitely be at the top of that list. The truth of the matter is that most people do not know what that is or how it would look in their life. I’d love to have you join my free Facebook group where you’ll get the support to walk in loving and caring for yourself. See you there!